Now I'm done with school, I've only got the rest of my life left

I graduate today. And then I'm not in school. Nothing much has changed to my plan, still going to come back and continue my internship, still looking forward to a life free of looming deadlines. But that's not really what I want to talk about. What I want to talk about is the expectation of walking that stage.

It's a pretty big dream, growing up. Walking up those stairs to look at a multitude of important people. You walk, one foot in front of the other, and the biggest cognition filling your mind is "God I hope I don't trip,". because really, that's what we all fear most. People talk in hushed whispers about the guy a friend saw at another guy's graduation who fell on his face in front of everyone. I don't want to be him. So I'm going to concentrate so much on not tripping on my own feet that I imagine it's going to resemble a duck.

Then of course you have to run the gamut of choreographed handshakes, handoffs, and more handshakes. It's the Dean. stop, pose for the pic shaking his hand while simultaneously taking your diploma (cover), but crisscross, because he wants to shake your right hand, and hand it off to your left. Then you've got to whisk by him, pay give a quick hello to Lynda, and then be on your way down the stairs. Only then, with that less fear fading, do I think it's going to seem real.

And why is the Dean the one who is going to give me my diploma (cover)? It seems to me that Lynda should be giving me that $60,000 diploma (cover), sense I've interacted with her on nearly a daily basis. What has the Dean ever done for me? I don't remember him teaching any classes, or showing me anything in a lab. Ever. Still, I suppose traditions are around for a reason, even if we don't know them.

I'll have to be disappointed about my fans, too. Half of my family decided not to show up. Oh, the immediate family is here, but the supposedly tight knight side of my father's family were suddenly too busy to come to Missouri. I should still have an impressive cheering section though. Look for the giant crowd of people. That's them.

Well, that's about it. I'm off now to finish a few things. Time stops for no man. If you're at the graduation ceremony, look for me. I'm the one in the cap and gown.

The project that never ended

I was hoping that after the big presentation, this capstone project would just suddenly stop happening. I was wrong. It limps on, in a noble fashion, thought it knows it's finished. There's a proposal meeting on Monday, which I'm not sure the format of. I don't know if we'll be standing giving a formal presentation, or if we're just going to have a dialogue with professors. Also, Kathryn Reed is looking for us. I understand she wants some sort of private session where she can pick our brains and see how much we might have to offer the Missourian in terms mobile journalism. It just seems to me like I can't ever be done with this.

The brown bag went well, though. 5 minutes late, a decent amount of people turned up and we started in on our presentation. I did the worst of everyone, getting flustered and nervous. I would be doing fine, and the look at Clyde Bentley or Kent Collins and see their faces and just start having minor freakouts, because they looked so bored. It helped to then look at Keith Pollite, who maintained a smile on his face for the entire presentation.

Anyhow, I'll be glad to wash my hands of this and just be over. I'll admit that the last bit of this class has been interesting, translating the work into useful information and giving it to others. It's much more up my alley than the first bit was (well, except maybe for the writing parts). I'm a bit upset I suppose over the fact that we (as a team) feel like we didn't necessarily receive all that much help from Will, and yet he's the one with the name in bold across the top of the page, with the notoriety in the journalism circles. Our work has become "Will's project", when we felt all along like it was definitely our project. In fact, our names are so small and out of the way that it takes a couple minutes to find it anywhere.

But, it's not worth worrying about.

Ending leads to Beginning

My student career is coming to a close. The end of an era, in some ways. I can't remember a time when I wasn't in school. Maybe it will be like the matrix, when Neo wakes up. I'll pull a big cord out of my gastrointestinal system, get flushed down a huge pipe, be caught up in a blockbuster, graphically groundbreaking movie. Or, maybe none of that will happen.

Barring allusions to an early 2000s runaway hit movie, my plan is actually not to go anywhere. I'm simply going to transition from school, work and internship to internship and work. No school. Although maybe I'll pop in here and there to help out around the place. It's just become so evident to me how much I don't want to be a journalist. Photographer yes, journalist no. I don't want to rely on some person to give a note to their boss saying I need to talk to them. I can't live my life that way.

But that's alright, because I've got a good thing going with Study Abroad. I've got my internship set up, and John, and there is een the possibility (though unlikely) that I could get paid minimum wage. I'm going to get a job, pay for my own groceries, gas, rent and utilities, and generally be self-sufficient. Another first in my lifetime.

Either way, I'm choosing not to see that stage as a gallows. I'm going to walk across it. I'm going to shake the Dean's hand. I'm going to receive a case that does not contain a diploma, but is instead a symbol that I'll be getting one in the near future. Then I'm going to walk down the stairs at the other end, right into the the rabbit hole. And I'm going to see how far it goes.